My Uphill Battle with Low Self- Esteem-DeAna Fierce

My Uphill Battle with Low Self- Esteem

By DeAna Fierce

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My Uphill Battle with Low Self- Esteem-DeAna Fierce

I am 34 years of age and there is one battle that I know too well, and that my friends are the complicated battle with low self-esteem. 

Like most people, women especially, my journey through the self-esteem jungle started in middle school. Yep, when good ole puberty hit. Growing into a young woman looked like for me was acne, blemishes, and hyperpigmentation. Add that in with two large front teeth that had a gap between them and you have the perfect girl teenager disaster. But let me remind you not only did I have gap teeth but I had dark spots that covered my forehead completely. And as a young girl, there was nothing more important than, looking pretty.

My Uphill Battle with Low Self- Esteem

Let’s move about 8  years ahead and I’ve made it through high school. Thought I was kinda popular because I graduated  a year early, with honors and 2 out of my 3 years in high school I selected by my peers to be on the Homecoming Court (talk about doing it big-big in the little town of Terry, Ms.) Plus by this time I kissed my first girl, who asked me to be her girlfriend (she broke up with me in less than a month) and I was heading to college right out of high school. On the outside, it looked like DeAna had it all figured out. My plan was to join the National Guard Infantry ( I have a thing for strong women), go to college, make lots of money in the military and be set for life.

My Uphill Battle with Low Self- Esteem

Yeah so about that….

I ended up withdrawing from the National Guard and focusing on school. In college, I was met with some decent life challenges, like feeling lost amongst thousands of pretty girls, not being recognized, and feeling alone. But why am I telling you all of this?

I want you to know that for over 20 years I have had low self-esteem. It may not look like it on the outside but that’s the whole point of me writing this post today. Although, I have accomplished things in my life I was only able to do that by building an ego that helped me push through. It wasn’t that I really believed in myself. It was that I was able to turn on false self-esteem to get me through whatever the task was. Then go home at the end of the day and beat myself down mentally in my own head.

“I want you to know that for over 20 years I have had low self-esteem.”

Because after all of the lights and cameras I was still lacking in an area that needed deep attention. And that is the area of SELF. 

Here’s the truth, there are many other women who are doing the same thing right now. You have a built-in ego that steps in when it is time to be confident when it is time to show up strong. But when the lights go off and you are looking yourself in the mirror, what does your conversation with yourself sound like?

Do you lift yourself up? Pat yourself on the back and say, you go girl? Or does it sound more like you are beating yourself up?

Speaking from a voice of experience I can share with you what my inner dialogue sounds like and maybe you can relate.

You’re not pretty

Look at your face, your skin is so bad

All people see are the spots and acne on your face

You aren’t really that good.

No one even liked your photo they just did it to be nice

They will ever pick you as a model because you aren’t pretty and skinny enough.

Who wants to listen to someone who likes girls, ugh.

You don’t even know what you’re doing you didn’t go to school like the rest of them.

No one wants to hear you talk. 

If you start doing that people are going to laugh at you because your gonna look stupid.

You will never be able to do anything you want to do because nobody cares about you.

Look at your hips, kneecaps, and legs I mean no model looks like that.

The list could go on and on but I think you get the point.

And to that point, let it be known the purpose for me sharing all of this with you. The reality is, I wouldn’t have been able to openly share this with you all 5 years ago. Because it was still too fresh, but now, I have equipped myself with the tools that help me silence the egos that make me believe that I’m not good enough. What I have discovered over the past few years is that creating a self-esteem ego is only going to get you so far. After a while, as you continue to live your life that ego will have to change because you will be asked to show up in ways that you must be solid in your self-confidence and the ego isn’t going to be able to get you through.

 What I have discovered is that it is about the whole self and what that means is there are 5 areas you should focus on when you want to build inner self-esteem those areas are.

Self-efficacy: one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. 

Self- Image: the idea one has of one’s abilities, appearance, and personality.

Self- Respect: pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.

Self-love: regard for one’s own well-being and happiness

Self- Discipline: the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.

Once I began focusing on the root cause for my low self-esteem then I was able to start understanding how to change it.  Working on building myself in the areas of my life that affect me both mentally and emotionally. Through this inner work, I started to see a change in my thought process, how I spoke to myself when I was alone. What I discovered was what I told myself was directly correlated with what I began believing.

Here is what I want you to do. Read these definitions again and start asking yourself what do you think of yourself in these different areas. Take note of the answer that you hear in your head and write them down. Get it out of your head and on to paper. This gives you the opportunity to change that dialogue.

Keep these notes that you take of yourself. Although, this is just a small glimpse into what the Whole Self System looks like we are going to go a lot deeper. In the coming months, you can expect me to begin digging deeper into these topics as I  speak about confidence from the place of these 5 pillars. I want to set up a strong foundational source of what confidence and self-esteem really are for women.

This way you can become unstoppable.

Have you had a chance to listen to my podcast? The Authentic Angle?

Click the link below to listen now and I can’t wait to receive your comments!